"Life's simple. You make choices and you don't look back." Han Lue.


"Outsider or insider don't really matter anymore. What matters is knowing what you want, and going after it." Sean Boswell.




I just watched The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift again.
And I must say, even after watching it a few times before, it's still awesome.



Only this time I watched in Indonesian television channel, and I got to understand words that I missed out before.
Like those two quotes.
Suddenly, I could hear every word of it, unlike last time.


Again, I think this is the advantage of having a Nothing-To-Do Holiday.
You get to reflect on yourself and things around you more frequently.


People have their own way of life, and a true gentleman cleans up the mess he made.
As for me, I realised that I've never done that before.
Running away is what I do best, and cowards around the world will gladly vote me as their leader.
When I got into some trouble I would often try not to think about it, and even after it gets worse, all I could do was ask for help from others, which eventually making it a burden for them.

When I make my choices, sometimes I didn't think of all the possibilities.
When my choice becomes a mess, only then I realised that I've taken the wrong steps.
And yes, people around me get their share of the shit I've spilled too.

Is there any way of making oneself less cowardly and increasing the I-am-not-afraid-to-die-even-in-the-most-dire-and-troubled-situations spirit?




Another thing is that I always get laid-back too often in my journey.
I know what I want to do in the future,
I know what it takes to reach there,
Yet I sometimes take my own time in the pursuit of it, thinking that I'll reach there somehow.

One part of me is super motivated.
He possesses a never-say-die spirit in the pursuit of my dreams.
He never gets tired, he never stops.
And sometimes he dominates me.

On the other hand,
There's the opposite side of me.
He's laid-back, lazy.
Prefers to slow down.
Thinking "Why should I bother to stress myself? It'll work out somehow. There's no need for dreams."
He dominates me most of the time.


That's why I said I was torn apart by my positive and negative mindsets.
I still need to learn to use each in suitable situations.
If I follow the Motivated side often, my body'll give way and just refuse to work due to the extreme exhaustion.
If I follow the Slowdown side often, I will never know, and reach what I want.


This doesn't only apply in the pursuit of my dreams only.
In a certain situation which I feel there's no need to mention here, I kept saying I was satisfied with the situation I am currently in.
I don't ever wanna talk about my so-called rival to the other person involved, for fear I might get internal-explosion-of-emotion inside and would end up punching the walls again.
But as one of my bro said: "Know your enemy to be able to beat him."
And here I am, not daring to ask about it.
Although I know the rival is still there,
And though this thing will not get better.
I'm afraid of the pain.
Oh what a gentleman. *spit on the ground*


Thank God anyway for today. I now know how cowardly I am.
Now it's just left on how to make things better.

02:09
Up, up, and away!