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OhLaila |
Saturday 19 March 2011
The conflicts of I was wondering about the extent of my potential. It's like, I've been wanting to be that for I can't remember how long. But then, if we're talking about the limit of my ability based on my DNA, I probably can't make it. I hail from parents who naturally excel in Physics, Mathematics, and Economics. Maybe that's how I'm able to stay alive in those subjects even though I don't really love them. But okay, I admit, I'm slowly developing interest in Economics. And I probably inherit my Dad's passion in Science, not my Mom's meticulous accounting ability. But I definitely do not get his outgoing nature and adaptability skills. So how am I gonna make it towards my dream, when my dream itself involves the best of the best, and even those gifted with the inborn skill for it? BUT If I view it from a destiny point of view, where the future can bring forth anything with limitless possibilities, I can achieve anything I want with the sheer desire for it. With the right approaches and unending determination, I'm sure I'll get there somehow, no matter how scathed I would be. And THIS has been what I want since my childhood days. And I've been working to get there. It's just a while more, and I'll be able to see whether I'll make it. BUT My spiritual energy has been deteriorating. My desire has been shaken. My faith has been questioned. "Is this really what I want?" "Do I really think I have what it takes?" "How sure am I if I'm up for it?" "How would you compete with those people better than you; A HELL LOT BETTER THAN WHAT YOU ARE!" were among the puzzles popping up constantly on my mind. Coupled with the genetic arguments I posted earlier which I believe is my own reality, It just adds more complications into my already-screwed-up doubts. BUT [the last one, I promise] Halfway through typing this post, something just struck me inside my mind harder than a thunder striking the sky in a storm. Human beings are capable of undergoing EVOLUTION. I've yet to lose my grasp on that fading glimpse of hope. Monday 14 March 2011
Keep holding on Time somehow crawled these few days. Or is it just me? Went to NUS Open House yesterday. Saw my nightmare [read: the things I need to get into NUS, especially those TWO faculties.] Hope I can work my ass off soon. Like, really soon. So, today was the first day of Rock Night: Amplified auditions. More external bands were here than NJ bands. Only two of NJ bands, in fact. All the bands were good, I guess. Even better than last year's.  So, two more bands coming tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well. And the pressure is mounting on my back. Not the pressure in academics. That's been there for a while now. It's the pressure of making Rock Night: Amplified a success, as the person in-charge. After all, it's my biggest event. And my last. Tuesday 8 March 2011
Skill? Speed? In case some people are wondering, I'm referring to my blog title. It was originally "skill, Power." in the template. I changed it, 'cause I thought that in my case, speed>power. Don't talk about now, I wanted to erase the Speed part, and also the skill part. Was on the verge of erasing, then I realised I couldn't find another name in such a short notice. And also, I'll lose this part of what's just left behind my motivation. P.S. I first adopted this blog title somewhere in the beginning of Sec 4 [It's really been a long time]. Back then I was oozing with confidence and optimism, about practically almost everything in life. I didn't know what Pressure meant to me anyway. Right now, I can strongly affirm even myself that Pressure was like the Goliath in me. Everything else, even my own motivation, cowers at the sight of it. Seriously, CCA stuff, academic stuff, pinning me down in my effort to grasp the "safe" level. I'm constantly under it now. Deteriorating A Level result in my college and constant distress from teachers about it do not help. The worst? My own target. Don't even talk about it. It's not even do-able for me to reach just half of it now. And I thought I could just do it by sheer hardwork? What hardwork? I looked at my Math assignments and stared at it for 15 minutes. Blankly. I don't know what to say seriously. I wanna be faithful to my own academic stuff. But I'm tied with other commitments in my CCA. I hope it won't be too late if I start getting serious in July. That's when everything else will stop. On top of all these useless, un-motivating rants, I can only strive, and pray so that somewhere, and somehow, I could bring out the "David" to bring the "Goliath" down. Sunday 6 March 2011
The 'Sacred' Saturday Awesome Saturday, I must say. But the most important thing is, I managed to re-fuel my motivation. Saw A Level result on Friday, and hopefully this would be enough as a challenge for me. Planned what I would do after A's, roughly. And back to present, It's only the matter of what I do, and keep doing now to get there. Re-fueled, re-motivated, ready. |
