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OhLaila |
Monday 27 September 2010
Untitled It's never the end. No matter what, it's not. You know why? 'cause an end is just a new beginning. It all dawned on me now. I shall continue pushing for the ending that I desire. But hey, if it's not turning out as I wish it to be, I shall form a new beginning from there. It's never a dead-end. It's only gonna be a turn. Yep, currently I'm sure it's the case. No turning back, don't stop, and don't be such a sucker by getting all emo and start accusing around. Who knows this is only a temporary turn, which ultimately may lead to your desired final ending anyway. "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way" "He will make a way for me." Yeah bloggie, I'm gonna try with all my might for Promos. Passing or not, Getting promoted or not, Needing to drop Chemistry or whatever subject or not, Qualifying for a faculty of medicine or not, They all don't matter. What matters is now. What matters is what I'm gonna do at this very moment. Focus in every moment, Vin, for each of it may jolly well shape the turn, the rocky path, or the highway ahead of me. But of course, never a dead-end. It's never the end. No matter what, it's not. You know why? 'cause an end is just a new beginning. Wednesday 22 September 2010
中秋节快乐！ Hey hey peeps Happy Mid-Autumn Festival! I wish I can see the blooming moon, but the view here is blocked by high-rise buildings == So here am I, Munching my first snow-skin mooncake, after a few years without mooncakes at all (snow-skin is awesome! I'm officially hooked to it xD), Listening to my music playlist, In complete solitary in my room (roommate's out again! Hoho), Blogging with my phone, Still wishing everybody out there a peaceful evening with the full moon. I'll probably be back to my mugging session soon. Oh shit now I wanna buy more snow-skin mooncakes -.-' Sunday 19 September 2010
Basketball. The feeling when I slushed the ball in so many consecutive times has been the best feeling I've ever had. If only I can shoot like this during training too. I'll make it into the starting five in no time. Sadly I'm not. My shooting skill (or should I say, Luck) just decided to abandon me everytime during training periods. And only come out when I'm playing it with my brothers for pleasure. And then, the ball just feels like my one of my limbs; It hardly goes out of my control. I love the game. I love basketball. When all else turn away, basketball has been my best company. Thursday 16 September 2010 As much as I hate to admit this, I realise my Facebook status, tweets, and yes, slowly my blog too, has been filled up with "study". I'm so scared of not making it to J2. I'm so afraid of not getting promoted. I can only keep trying, but that can only get me so far. I don't know, I just don't know. I wanna run away, but again I know I can't. Right now all I ever want, and need, is a balling session at FTPSS basketball court alone, and a good night's sleep. Sick of failing, exhausted of studying, tired of trying. But oh well, I guess I can't stop moving. Tuesday 14 September 2010 What the hell is wrong with my blog's layout again???? The images just stop uploading? Any readers having the same problem? Or is it just my internet? ... Oh well, as if there's any reader. You know, it just sucks when you know you either have to sleep or study but yet your body, and soul just decide to do something else. Like blogging here, and reminiscing on to the past everywhere. Saturday 11 September 2010
Cyborg. Tuning, and tuning, and tuning... After a few prototypes and tryouts, I guess it's time to create a nameplate on it. Emotions Processor Model: IKT-29-9170-01 Primary Chip: Mind Storage: Virtual Heart Primary Fuel: Logic Secondary Fuel: Motivation Input Mode: Ears & Eyes Output Mode: Actions & Mouth Wastage Method: Behind-the-scene Actions Lifespan: Approx. 65 years Functions: Mixing and regulating emotions inside of the being via a micro-furnace, creating an output which is useful for the owner, as desired. Delivering out actions deemed desirable to the owner, and incinerating those believed to be undesirable. How to use: Simply turn it on and the effect is instant. Warning: Storing wastage for too long may result in uncontrollable chains of emotional explosions which disrupts the functions of the primary chip and nearly unfeasible to repair. Always channel the wastage out regularly. Symptoms of problem may include, but are not limited to: automated random hand movements and instantaneous, almost uncontrollable mouthing of words. Turning into a cyborg of my own? I wish. I can only come close to it. Perfection doesn't exist, but who said that even this machine is perfect? Tuesday 7 September 2010
Holiday Mode VS Study Mode I've been so ON with my Study Mode these few days. Still can't believe that I actually sacrificed almost half of my sleep finishing up two Chemistry tasks. Weird though, my parents and relatives are here for holiday trip, Yet somehow, everything fell into place, just to re-assemble my motivation again. *Firstly, and foremostly, talking things out with my dad. I used to strategise with him how to get myself pumped up. Now I know how to KEEP myself pumped up. No more flickering of the fire inside me, at least 'till Promos are over. *Seeing my mom. That made me remember how I've gotta be grateful for this wonderful family I have and bringing glory to my family is the only way to repay them. I didn't travel all the way from Jakarta for nothing. *My brother has been trying hard and yes, he's now coping well as a scholar. I cannot lose to him. Haha. All my failures shall not stand in my way anymore. *Talking about Australian universities with my aunt. Reminds me of my aim; the future I've been dreaming of. *Accompanying my parents to hospital for check-ups. The aura of the hospital, the clicking of keyboard and the ringing of the phone at the receptionist area, the sound of stretchers being moved around, the siren of the ambulance, the quietness of the clinics corridors, the coldness of the still air, the nameplates of many doctors and their degrees, the smell of medicine-like air.. Yes, this is where I know I wanna belong to be, with a white robe over me, and a stethoscope over my neck. While somehow a bit of the holiday mood is seeping into me, I can still hold it back, luckily. No mood to play hardcorely, still left a lil' bit of urge to grab a book and study. Whatever it is, I can't give up. I mustn't. For my dream, my family, God and myself. "I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13 P.S. But for now, a little bit of my well-deserved break =P Friday 3 September 2010
The forbidden thoughts. I feel funny at times. But my freaking mind just couldn't stop contemplating. So I just jumped out of my bed, and I'm turning on the room lights again. And I just felt like blogging. Although I'm supposed to be asleep now to wake up early for tomorrow's PW meeting == Wonder why I am so attached to my bloggie more recently. Haha it's a good thing though. Except that the fact tomorrow I'll most probably be a half-zombie again. Damn, my urge to self-torture seems to come back again. And here I am, typing out words of emotions. You know what, bloggie. Sometimes I just wonder how it feels to look at myself in another person's view. I'm curious about how I seem to be to the world. Whether I'm simply someone boisterous and loud when happy, yet quiet and sleepy when emo, Or do I portray something differently? Can I be a person who can see through the hidden feelings that I keep, and somehow can understand them? Or would I be someone who shuns away once I see through the barrier? But that would be useless. Wishing for it would just be like wishing for an apple to fall from an orange tree. Why would I need to think so much anyway? It's not like others care about what I keep inside. Or rather, it's just better to hide it, rather than show it and explain why to every single person who asks. Another thing is that sometimes I wish I can inflict what I feel inside to others around me too. People that just don't understand and care, yet are continuously a bother, a hater, anything related. You name it. I want them to know how much it burns, and pains to be me. So that they don't take things for granted. So that they know that life is more than meets the eye. So that they know what they have done! Yes, what else! On the other hand, people who really care and understand, I want them to know, and feel what I feel towards them. How much of a blessing they are to me. Sometimes, showering them with your feelings are insufficient to express the amount of gratitude inside me. I want them to feel the immense bliss inside me too. But again, this is forbidden, and again, useless. God wouldn't give this ability to mankind, as long as there's this possibility of us hurting one another, intentionally or not. Undoubtedly I may have hurt people around me at times, but again, sometimes being apologetic is not enough. And yes, "sorry" has been overused such that it's kinda meaningless sometimes. I want them to feel how truly remorseful I am. Then again, why would I wanna think of these useless stuff? Why fills my brain with these junks? I feel funny at times. Instead of strategising my study plan for the upcoming exams, my mind ponders of small, little, utterly useless rubbish. Instead of re-planning my own future, I keep clinging on to the meaningless past. Thursday 2 September 2010 You know what. On second thought, Sudden, unexplainable change in attitude sucks. And that's why, on top of that, I suck. I'm supposed to do a darn essay and study for test tomorrow instead of wasting time here. I don't understand what I'm thinking sometimes. There are just too many things that I can't achieve. What's with all my seemingly-big ambitions? Yet I can't help but indulge myself in my wishful thoughts. I just got my motivation back yesterday. Okay, I admit it was a short burst, but it was enough to keep me up from falling upon my knees again. And now when the pace seems to be picking up, the world just has to screw it all up. How? By showing me even more failures and things that I can't seem to accomplish. In. My. Face. By the time it was half the day, I found it hard to even put up a smile anymore. This freaking world drained everything that I've got in me. Okay, this was a subjective statement. The blame's all on me. Perhaps I'm just not cut out for this competitive world. Once again, I was wrong to think that I can accomplish much in life. "What your mind believes, you can achieve" does not apply to me. 'Cause what my mind believes, the world denies it. What's making me feel worse is my inability to let all my feelings out. I used to be very expressive, showing up everything that I feel, be it happiness or anxiety or frustration, at one instant. And I'm not able to keep the negative thoughts for long. Alright, I admit that I wished to control how my emotions could flow out. Maybe now I can, but it's a bit too much. Now I can't even regurgitate anything, even if I want to. No, not even when I'm alone, not even when I'm with my besties, not even when I'm with some adults who are close to me. Yes, I can't even express it here. Although I sense a mix of anger, despair, anxiousness, happiness, love and hatred, in a furnace inside me. But life always goes on. As you grow older, you realise life gets more cruel to you. Okay, that was a subjective statement again. It is merely my opinion. I was never entitled to make a general statement. Not when my emotion is like a volcano; dormant at times, but ready to blast anytime. Wednesday 1 September 2010
PA Lunch & PW The 10/11 Exco treated Samuel to thank him for his training despite his busy schedule. Haha. One word. RETARDED. And for my PW group, I hope our WR went well. Sorry I had to leave halfway =\ Sometimes these little things are what makes life more enjoyable at times. |