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OhLaila |
Wednesday 23 April 2014
That moment. That moment, when you're rushing your work, and you have no idea where the time went. That moment, when you're just working like a machine; you're so saturated with adrenaline that you have no idea what you're doing consciously, but you continue anyway. That moment, when you feel like you're on drugs; light-headed, with visible specks of starry dust in your vision every time you sit down and get up. That moment, when you're so hungry your stomach doesn't even bother to growl anymore and fainting seems to be arriving any moment now. That moment, when you crash asleep on your desk unknowingly and you almost think you had fainted when you wake up. That moment, when you're unsure if everything you do is worth it. That moment, when you realise you are able to control what you're feeling, finally after all these years. That moment, when you believe you've done your best, that results don't even matter anymore, no matter how horrendous it may be. That moment, when you force your brain power beyond its usual juice-producing limit. That moment, when you pray in-between your limited breaths amidst your mad rush for the project submission. That moment, when your tutor hints that you might finally be able to pass, despite your warning letter for the module. That moment, when you realise you're so thankful for Jesus, Mother Mary, and your guardian angel. That moment, when I realise all those happened to me and that they still leave me in both awe and astonishment. That moment, when I realise that by going through and being able to reflect about all that, I know that I'm ALIVE. Friday 11 April 2014 Not sure when this all began again. This feeling that used to be dormant. I thought it died but then it went rampant. Overflowing without my consent. This used to be so wrong, I said. And that was why, my own emotions I had to bind. Although it now feels right, something else still lingers in my mind. Yes, the timing is still not at all great. I guess they weren't wrong comparing these feelings to taking drugs. So euphoric, so uplifting, Yet so poisonous, so menacing. Eventually, you just self-destruct. Yeah, I've still gotta hold myself back. What feels right may not always be right. Not especially when my work is always up to my neck, And the extra pressure will just cause my own sanity, and my heart to go berserk, and break. |