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Credits
OhLaila |
Saturday 19 October 2013
I almost couldn't take it anymore. Almost. I walked into the studio earlier today because of a scheduled group meeting and I was seeing so, so many people working so much on a Saturday. I did expect seeing some people still present today in the studio but not this much. It was, really, suffocating. And pressurising. I understand that this might just me, however, being myself and not wanting to set aside time to work on a Saturday. I'm trying my best not to stray away from another principle of mine. I've already broken my attempts to not spend any sleepless nights during my first semester of architecture school. But still, it has reached a point to me when even if everybody seems to be working their ass off, it becomes more and more traumatising for me and not inspiring and motivating as I thought it would be. The fact that I have to self-learn and self-taught almost everything made it worse. Then what the fuck am I paying and studying in a university for? Note to self, still: Try your best not to lose yourself, buddy. Just give it your all. Friday 11 October 2013 Not sure if I'm hopeful or too laid-back or pessimistic. Not sure if having a balanced lifestyle or not trying hard enough. Not sure if I'm just warming up or simply cannot make it.
So many things I'm unsure about myself and things around me.
And I hate the fact that I can't help but to be drawn into comparisons between people.
That aside,
My intuition had been telling me that I probably can't stand myself studying in a place full of people who are constantly motivated or just afraid to lose. Not sure which one.
See? Again I'm not sure.
Maybe it's just me.
Or maybe it's not.
I'm just gonna isolate myself from the rest of everything. For now, at least. Saturday 5 October 2013 A random epiphany that I got last night: Songs with upbeat tempo and most K-Pop and J-Pop songs are great for when I'm in normal mood. But when le heart's feeling flowery or stormy, R&B songs like those by Stevie Hoang are still the best. |