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OhLaila |
Saturday 22 March 2014
Internal scream. Hey bloggie. I'm currently enjoying a quiet moment at the hostel on a weekend night. Where almost no one is here. A rare moment indeed. And a there's no other weekend I'd rather have. Well, except probably back home. And, It seems like I've been keeping this for way too long. I thought that I've gotten away from all the questions that I've been facing regarding everything that is going in my life. I was wrong. It gets worse and worse every day. There is always this voice back in my head, telling me that this is not the kind of life I wanted. Not just because school work is insane. Not just because I don't seem to have free time anymore. Not just because I'm afraid of the responsibilities that I have to bear growing up. Not just because life is not looking as bright as it was. But because, and I know it is because, There is nothing worse to be doing something you don't enjoy doing. This seems to apply so well in my uni life. I get it. Nothing is easy when it comes to getting a degree. After talking with someone I can't recall recently though, I do question my life once again when I'm reminded that "doing what you like will ease the pain, and give you the perseverance to push through the hardships." Sometimes I don't know myself too. I thought it was just me being easy to give up rather than knowing that life can be so much better. I thought it was just me being pessimistic rather than logical. But for the first time, I thought of quitting. Not for running away, but to study something that I truly love and enjoy. Not for giving up, but to start all over and try again. It's not fair for my parents though. I owe them so much for paying through my education and everything. I don't want to just abandon everything here halfway, wasting all their money. Besides, how would I know for sure that the grass is definitely gonna be greener on the other side? And what else would I do as an undergraduate study? Medicine is still on my mind, that's for damn sure I tell you. But if I didn't have enough things (grades) to apply with back then, I sure have nothing now that my A Level certificate would have been expired. Bottom line is: I'm not happy with my life. I know it can be so much better. But I don't know how to fix the core of everything. Not unless I am being unfair to people who love and have done so much for me. |