I'm totally beat.




Physically and mentally. Both.




Physically, I can't get more than my normal 8 hours sleep.
Either because I can't sleep early, or I can only get sleepy around 12am.
And basketball trainings in the morning today is the one that I needed energy on. ==


Anyway, yes, today was the basketball trial.
8 people turned up including me.
It was half-hopeful, yet half-hopeless for me.
Hopeful because I could keep up with the other J1s who turned up.
Hopeless because since everybody had about the same skill as me, or possibly more, I might not make it into the team.
Haiz...
I need another round of luck....





My mentality is also about at its limit.

Brain-wise, Maths and Physics are quite hard to cope at times.
I wonder how am I even gonna get a high score for myself.
Chemistry isn't easy as it used to be as well.
Why would I even think of taking H3 next year ==

Emotional-wise.
I'm sick of getting high for a moment and feeling like shit for the next few hours.
I'm sick of not being able to move on.
I'm sick of my own wishful thinkings.
I'm sick of my own feelings.





But again,
Grunting and complaining about it ain't gonna make me feel better.
I can only motivate myself, to stand up again, to not give up, to keep myself hopeful, to convince my mind that this is not yet the end point.



Staying strong isn't an option.
It's a duty.

20:55
Up, up, and away!