I feel funny at times.

But my freaking mind just couldn't stop contemplating.

So I just jumped out of my bed, and I'm turning on the room lights again. And I just felt like blogging.

Although I'm supposed to be asleep now to wake up early for tomorrow's PW meeting ==

Wonder why I am so attached to my bloggie more recently. Haha it's a good thing though.

Except that the fact tomorrow I'll most probably be a half-zombie again.

Damn, my urge to self-torture seems to come back again.

And here I am, typing out words of emotions.

You know what, bloggie.

Sometimes I just wonder how it feels to look at myself in another person's view.

I'm curious about how I seem to be to the world.

Whether I'm simply someone boisterous and loud when happy, yet quiet and sleepy when emo,

Or do I portray something differently?

Can I be a person who can see through the hidden feelings that I keep, and somehow can understand them?

Or would I be someone who shuns away once I see through the barrier?

But that would be useless.

Wishing for it would just be like wishing for an apple to fall from an orange tree.

Why would I need to think so much anyway?

It's not like others care about what I keep inside.

Or rather, it's just better to hide it, rather than show it and explain why to every single person who asks.

Another thing is that sometimes I wish I can inflict what I feel inside to others around me too.

People that just don't understand and care, yet are continuously a bother, a hater, anything related. You name it.

I want them to know how much it burns, and pains to be me.

So that they don't take things for granted.

So that they know that life is more than meets the eye.

So that they know what they have done! Yes, what else!

On the other hand, people who really care and understand,

I want them to know, and feel what I feel towards them.

How much of a blessing they are to me.

Sometimes, showering them with your feelings are insufficient to express the amount of gratitude inside me.

I want them to feel the immense bliss inside me too.

But again, this is forbidden, and again, useless.

God wouldn't give this ability to mankind, as long as there's this possibility of us hurting one another, intentionally or not.

Undoubtedly I may have hurt people around me at times, but again, sometimes being apologetic is not enough. And yes, "sorry" has been overused such that it's kinda meaningless sometimes.

I want them to feel how truly remorseful I am.

Then again, why would I wanna think of these useless stuff?

Why fills my brain with these junks?

I feel funny at times.

Instead of strategising my study plan for the upcoming exams, my mind ponders of small, little, utterly useless rubbish.

Instead of re-planning my own future, I keep clinging on to the meaningless past.