I don't understand what I'm thinking sometimes.

There are just too many things that I can't achieve.

What's with all my seemingly-big ambitions?

Yet I can't help but indulge myself in my wishful thoughts.

I just got my motivation back yesterday.

Okay, I admit it was a short burst, but it was enough to keep me up from falling upon my knees again.

And now when the pace seems to be picking up, the world just has to screw it all up.

How? By showing me even more failures and things that I can't seem to accomplish. In. My. Face.

By the time it was half the day, I found it hard to even put up a smile anymore.

This freaking world drained everything that I've got in me.

Okay, this was a subjective statement.

The blame's all on me.

Perhaps I'm just not cut out for this competitive world.

Once again, I was wrong to think that I can accomplish much in life.

"What your mind believes, you can achieve" does not apply to me.

'Cause what my mind believes, the world denies it.

What's making me feel worse is my inability to let all my feelings out.

I used to be very expressive, showing up everything that I feel, be it happiness or anxiety or frustration, at one instant. And I'm not able to keep the negative thoughts for long.

Alright, I admit that I wished to control how my emotions could flow out.

Maybe now I can, but it's a bit too much.

Now I can't even regurgitate anything, even if I want to.

No, not even when I'm alone, not even when I'm with my besties, not even when I'm with some adults who are close to me.

Yes, I can't even express it here.

Although I sense a mix of anger, despair, anxiousness, happiness, love and hatred, in a furnace inside me.

But life always goes on.

As you grow older, you realise life gets more cruel to you.

Okay, that was a subjective statement again. It is merely my opinion.

I was never entitled to make a general statement.

Not when my emotion is like a volcano; dormant at times, but ready to blast anytime.