I have this issue of persevering in me.
Not in general. Ok, although my general perseverance is not very solid either.


Bur this issue is about my attitude towards studying.
Particularly subjects that I don't enjoy doing.

I'm starting to enjoy General Paper, by the way.
It feels satisfying to be able to think through issues.
In a way, it's brain-stimulating.

I'm starting to lose interest in Physics though.
I'm beginning to think that they are no fun.
It's not even my favourite to begin with.

Chemistry is the only one I truly savour for now.
And today, I have to sacrifice not doing the homework because apparently there are more "urgent" work for my other subjects.
This is the only thing which I can focus the most.

There're reasons why I chose to put Math and Economics last.
I used to be neutral towards H2 Math.
Now that I'm already ending the syllabus soon,
I realise how much I am sick of it.
It feels like the logic of all the calculations are now way beyond what I can comprehend.
It wasn't like this back then few years ago.
And the more I try to push forward, the more my own mind resists thinking.
And the more my mind sees no purpose in me studying this subject.

Economics, well,
It's at the point where everything doesn't make sense now.
After the Macroeconomic policies and stuff, I get no shit of what is International Trade all about.
Sure, I understand what the notes and the lecturer are saying.
But how the hell is it so bloody distinct from the questions in the tutorial.
I mean, I don't know how I should put it.
It just, doesn't make sense.
According to my brain, at least.


Now I SERIOUSLY miss Biology.


I just finished my homework for Math and Economics.
And I feel nauseous at what I can accomplish.
It's so shitty I can't describe it.


And I don't wanna go for extra tuition.
I've made an ultimatum to myself.
If I can't triumph over the stress here, I should not even be thinking of going into medical school.

But if I don't take up extra tuition,
I may reach a point where I would stop doing everything.
It's barely a few weeks after I started my serious attitude towards my studies.
And now I feel like I'm being tortured mentally.



Lesson learnt:
Always choose to do subjects that you enjoy!!!!
At least maybe if I had chosen Biology over Physics,
I would have two science stuff to have fun with.



This test of perseverance is just the beginning.
And I'm already at the point where I wanna slam my fists to the wall AGAIN.



How the hell did I choose Physics over Biology when I attained a worse grade for Physics in O Level?
How the heck was I so sure that H2 Biology is something I wouldn't like?
How the hell did my mind think that I WOULD ENJOY PHYSICS OVER BIO?

08:09
Up, up, and away!