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OhLaila |
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Equilibrium Such a naturally-occurring phenomenon. Yet such a nearly-impossible feat to achieve. Saturday, 27 August 2011 Never knew humans can be such hypocritical creatures. Whatever happened to "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you"? I did nothing wrong, and I had no plans on being intimidated by all your acts. But this is just getting annoying. And please, If you've got the guts, and the balls, Man the fuck up! Don't act nice and all in front of me, but aim your weapon at my back. As for me, I've got no complains. But you guys are just starting to get on my nerves because it's starting to affect my school work by cutting off my Internet connection! Anyway, this is for you guys: G-R-O-W UP! "Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They're only powerful when you got your back turned. " - Eminem Sunday, 21 August 2011
Onward. Dad, You may never know how much you mean to me. You're: My inspiration. My main role-model. My source of motivation. My pillar of strength. My teacher in life. And definitely more than just the breadwinner of our family. Although you can get hot-tempered at times, Although I get annoyed for your constant worry about me sometimes, I always knew that you just want the best for me. I'm sorry. And the only thing I can repay you with, Is by continuing the legacy to bring the pride to our family. And of course, I'll achieve that by achieving my own dream. The only thing that I truly want from you and Mum in life now, Is for you to look at me, and bro of course, And mutter to each other: "We have succeeded." So watch me. I'll make you say that. I'll never give up. Thanks Dad. This kind of burst of mental strength is just what I need during these shitty times. Thursday, 18 August 2011
Hopelessness, faith. Two very distinct concepts, Mixed around in perfect balance in my own mind. Like the Yin and Yang. Somehow I wanna let go of the hopelessness. But it always comes back to haunt me. Just when it's nearing my Prelims. It's like I have super low efficiency. I significantly put a lot more effort into GP comprehension paper now. But what do I get? Shitty kind of grade. SHIT. 20/50 for consecutive 3 papers. I understand if I did not improve. But I've dropped and been stagnant at this kind of grade since after Common Test! I swear when I got back the latest one today I felt like spouting some profanities at myself. But then again, Faith is there to remind me that it is not yet the end. It's better to hold on to that flickering small glimpse of hope, than to let go completely and be sucked into the sea of darkness completely without trying. We can't savour the sweet taste of success, if we never fail. And I'm tired of being helpless when it comes to fighting for what I want. Now I'm gonna make sure those moments of devastation, those tears that have fallen, to never be replayed again. So that in the next round of finishing line, I'll be able to keep my head up high, triumphant. With this gigantic challenge, bowing down before me. Sunday, 14 August 2011
When things metamorph. "It can only be right when it feels right." Yes, it was true. There was no point rushing. If things are meant to be, they will happen, whether you like it or not. If things are not, well maybe they are meant to fall apart instead. It does feel a little bit early for me. But if it feels right, it will feel right. And even if after spending my time pondering about it, I stepped forward, leaving all my doubts behind. Sure, sometimes it all boils down to one insane move. But what's after that is what determines whether all that move was worth it. Whether the prize was worth the fight. And truly, it never feels more beautiful in my life. :) I guess this is the point when other things all became insignificant. While some things change for the better, some others get downgraded as the lesser beings. I won't let the screwed up new Internet connection, the unfair treatment I received at my place sometimes, and all the other bad stuff that happen right here in this place affect me adversely anymore. 'Cause I know now that there are bigger, more important things that I have to care about. 'Cause I know now that these jealousy and immature acts of 'backstabbing' are not worth my attention. [not that they were before]. 'Cause I know now that no matter how they treat me now, I can still go to bed with a smile on my face, thanking God that I finally found you in my life. xD Oh by the way, To those who have just recently visited here, HI :D Yeah I know who you are, hahaha xD Sunday, 7 August 2011 Suddenly stumbled upon this bittersweet short movie again. Still touched by the emotional flux that it brings. Haha. Reminds me a couple, but nevertheless important things: Still got a HECK lot to learn. And, never take things for granted. "Deterioration begins the moment you start taking stuff for granted." Friday, 5 August 2011
You know? You know, there are just days that you feel damn dumb. Just 'cause you can't say what you truly feel. Just 'cause you are AFRAID. Damn it man now I feel like banging my head to the wall. I mean, You know, How bad can someone be WITH WORDS? Those are even supposed to be literal. No metaphor, onomatopoeia, hyperbole, or any other literary techniques required. Although, maybe it'd be better that way. Yet, it choked the hell out of me. For the first time, I felt like something heavy was really holding me back. Maybe, Maybe I'm just afraid. Afraid I'm not good enough. Good enough to meet that standard. I mean, what the hell do I have? I'm just a weirdo, A newbie, Somebody who doesn't even know how to anything in this kind of situation, A simpleton with minuscule brain for this kind of thing. All I can ever give now is words. Words, maybe words of feelings. But what are words? What can they do? What can they prove, when this is all what I am? When all I ever am is someone who doesn't know the simple act of adoration? Maybe a lot of them were right. No, they are right. I'm the best in two things; Thinking too much, And doing nothing. Yes, this may be too early. Too soon for anything. But I can't deny one thing. That I didn't plan for any of these to spring from inside of me. This innate, tingling sense is nothing I've ever expected. Bigger than I've thought, Stronger than I've ever felt. See? I'm doing it again. All I can do is just WRITE IT ALL HERE. Gahhh.. Wednesday, 3 August 2011 Where is my spark? Where is my fuel? Why am I slowing down? Why does the gravity feel heavier and heavier? No, those weren't the questions. Have I lost them all? Or have I got blinded and so I can't see them all anymore? Those are the questions. Seems like all I have with me all the time now is my blind confidence. So maybe I've gone blind after all. |