Been feeling a severe lack of zeal and vigour lately.
And worse thing is, I only realised it after I read a fanfiction about Seven Deadly Sins.
I've been seriously infected with Sloth. For this whole week.
I just started repenting by working out again.


And just a few moments earlier, I suddenly recalled a phrase that a bro told me before, many, many times a couple years back, although later I found out that this is used by a large group of people in general.



"Happy can already"




Yes, why worry about your life? Do things that makes you happy.
Sounds simple? Not to me.

Not sure if it's just me over-thinking stuff, which I really often do.
But I'm not even sure what HAPPINESS is to me in the first place.
Does my own happiness depends on just me? Or also on people dear to me? Or even people around me in general? Or even by non-living things as well? (Why not? I consider myself very much appreciative of my own MSI GE60, Sofie my guitar, or even, well, $$$ in general.)



At first glance, of course it will look like my happiness simply owes its fate to me and my own actions.
As long as I like doing my own things, living the way I normally do, there shouldn't be any reason on why I won't be happy.
Then again, what if my actions disappoint, or even hurt people dear to me like my family?
'Cause as much as I like to immerse my own time in Need For Speed, singing, learning guitar, exercising, and admiring idols and role models who doesn't even know my existence,
I'm damn certain that doing all this would disappoint especially my parents, who worked so hard for my expensive education here in Singapore. And if I don't bear the fruit of their labour, that would just make me an unappreciative, ungrateful imbecile.
I can't make them proud then and that would also cripple my own mentality.


But, but...
I don't like studying.
I really really really dislike studying.
I can't even find anything I'm passionate and good at.
This is truly an epitome of discovering oneself in life.
As I go further in life,
I don't find anything really exciting to study hard enough to major it in my Bachelor degree.

On a side note, the only possible major I'm gonna enrol in now in SUTD is Architecture.
I sure as hell shouldn't study Engineering.
And there's a rumour that not everybody can choose what they want to major in.
So the only way out is to get good results. Or at least that's what everybody thinks is the safe way.
But with my own academic state like this, this kind of fate might as well be a laughing at my face and I should just give no shit, and move along.
Although that doesn't mean I should.







Maybe I'll just remove that as one of those usable quotes in my life.


Humans in general are social creatures.
In one way or another one person is gonna interact with another, and one's actions have an effect. The effects may be brief, small, ripple to many more people, or escalate.
That includes me too.
So realizing it or not, what I do will have an impact on people around me. Or even those not around me.
If I simply do as I like, and some people affect my own happiness meter,
Who's to say that my happiness only depends on me?

22:49
Up, up, and away!