But it's not possible. 

Why? 'Cause I need a breathing space away from myself. And unless there's a way to separate parts of myself, there's no way it's possible. 

I'm really disappointed to admit that I'm really stressed. 

Not just stressed because of school work. But mostly because I'm always failing to fulfill my own expectations. 

Let's go through the checklist so far:

Enjoying myself in this course: FAILED. 

I mean, how long can I keep this lie going on? I've been trying but I just wish things are not moving so quickly. Which brings me to my next checklist. 

Keeping up with school work: FAILED. 

Balancing personal time and school: FAILED. 

Bitch-fucking-please. I'm at the point where my personal time is close to non-existent and whenever I try to balance it out, the quality of my school work just aggravates. 

Last but not least, what I believe is the major bug in my life:

Not performing up to my own expectations. 

I don't know if I'm affected too much by peer pressures, or if I'm being too hard on myself, but I really believe as time goes by, year after year, I'm just getting worse and worse. 

Nope, this definitely is not the "life is getting harder as you grow up" kind of bullshit I'm experiencing. Either I'm always not trying hard enough, or I'm just performing below my own expectations. Every time. 

I'm not even questioning my life and its choices anymore. I'm doubting myself. 

If I'm barely into my 20s, and if life is probably gonna get harder, and if I'm getting worse day by day,

Then I sure am screwed.