How do you know whether you like doing what you do or whether you're just doing it for the sake of doing?

How do you know whether what you think, or what you feel is real or fake?

How do you know whether you're persevering, or just struggling?

How do you know whether you're being an optimist, or ignoring the fact that you're struggling but decide to push through anyway?

How do you know whether you're being realistic or pessimistic?

Which then leads me to thinking: is it possible to conduct a psycho-hypnosis? i.e. influencing your own thoughts and feelings by repeated motions of self-talk, self-manipulation or other similar activities?

Earlier last week, when I was really struggling with C# programming for Grasshopper for an assignment in which I was supposed to come up with a wall interface design using basically codes and parameters, all of which I continually struggle to even understand, let alone use it and apply it to my designs.

And I remember someone who seemingly is also struggling (but not in a "programm"-atic way. OKAY bad joke there) mentioned that well, maybe sometimes you have to fake it till you get it. 

Which in turns, probably may make you turn insane yourself. I'm not surprised. It's psycho-hypnosis after all.

I just keep wondering on how it actually works.

If you're telling your brain what to think or what to feel, you're trying to control the activity of the unconscious part of the brain.

Which also means the conscious part of the brain is trying to control its counterpart entity.

Which means that somewhere in the unconscious part of the brain, it realises that it is out of control. Or at least, it is not working the way it WANTS it to be.

So shouldn't there be an internal conflict happening?

And does that make you insane?

Does that make ME insane?

Or at least, it is insane of me for thinking about all this while I'm supposed to be working on my design codes.

Maybe I should do a psycho-hypnosis on myself.

'till next time.