So you know, there is this urge to create this mandatory reflection and vision once again, for the year that's gonna be over and the year ahead.

To sum it up, 2013 has been really exciting for me.

It may not be all roses, but nonetheless it has been such a roller-coasting journey of 365 days.

I think it might be good to start listing out all the things I could recall, in the order of timely happenings.

1). For the first time, I failed a subject in my university education and had to attend extra catch-up lessons called "bootcamp" to retake the exams and pass the subject, which I did. Thankfully. So for that, I had to return to Singapore on the first day of the year itself which I hated so much because I felt that I murdered my own holiday. I had not returned home since then until the end of the year.

2). Experiencing a "summer break" just like a US-based college would have. I spent it doing an unpaid, so-called internship (as I mentioned before in older posts. Haha) in OXD, an en experience design team. Having no training in Architecture before hand, I could not help much, but nonetheless I'm glad and thankful that I could learn from the people there and catch a glimpse of a work in design industry.

3). friends. If there is one thing I realised about them, is that it takes a lot, a lot of effort to keep in touch with everyone you know from way before until now and unless you have all the time in the world, it might be inevitable for you to lose a few friends. Although, there (hopefully) are those that formed a bond with you so strong before, that you know you'll stay the same no matter how long you have not been talking or how long you have not met them. It's sad to say that I think I have lost friends that were close to me in the past, just because I have lost touch with them and I know it would be really difficult, if not impossible, to restore the same bonds because sometimes Time just severs ties beyond repair.

4). Finally experiencing architecture school for real. This is probably the biggest storm I have ever encountered in my whole life so far mentally, emotionally, and physically. It might not be the most brain-intensive course full of memorizing formulas or facts, but it definitely requires you to rack your brain once or twice to come up with ideas and submissions with the impending doom of deadlines. Oh and not forgetting the sleepless nights and countless hours of sitting in front of the computer getting your shit together, plus the time when I question my life on whether this is the path that I want in my life and whether this is all worth it. 

Especially when time after time I heard stories about abusive doctors and doctors with so much good deeds. So much that my conviction starts burning up in me again. Then again, I know that my results were not always good enough and that's probably why I shouldn't be one. Better not be a doctor than be a useless one.

Bottom line of the first semester of archi school: I still enjoy what I do. I just don't like the working environment and how I am not keeping up in terms of my improvement compared to everyone else.

5). The key to everything you do in life, and not surprisingly the most difficult one to attain, is to achieve a balance in everything. All the issues I've been facing throughout the year or in fact my whole life is that I still cannot find a balance in everything I want to do. 

There's always an opportunity cost for everything. That, I have to realise.

It's not possible to literally do everything you want within such limited quantity of time. That. I always forget.

Not only that, this also applies to interacting with people.

I don't know if I personally have met people with the same dilemma, having different friends belonging to different (and probably non-relating) cliques.

Ideally, of course I want to merge different cliques that I know together, but it's not always possible.

There's a reason why they belong to different cliques.

Striking a balance between them is no mean feat.

If I hang out with one of them too much, I might lose my friendship with the other one.

That's why I don't wanna have to choose! I love being friends with both, for different reasons!

Obviously because I can relate with both. Maybe this is because I don't really belong anywhere. 

I'm like a little bit of every clique? Right..

Anyway in short, what I have to at least try to do next, is to get my priorities right. Which should come first and last.

That's that! There's a lot more of course. But these are the highlights I guess.

So moving on, with a reflection, I also need a vision for the coming 2014.

Usually I kept this resolution part short in the recent years.

SURVIVE IT.

That's it.

But no.

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm no longer a kid I used to be.

I have to grow up and face the challenges of being a young adult.

This happened so naturally too, that suddenly everything just dawned on me.

One day, when I was doing my work a few weeks ago in the studio,

I began to realise how I am not keeping up with the rest.

What with my horrendous quality of work I'm producing.

Who am I kidding. I really thought I could just progress slowly, at my own pace, while keeping up with..well.. the rest of "life" if I must say.

Then it struck on me:

The bonds that I have to serve after I graduate.

How close I am to graduation.

How I have to apply for internships again really soon if I decide to do it again the next summer break.

How my parents are getting old.

With all these coming up so close? There's no freaking way that I could still take it slow.

It's probably a little too late, but I'll have to accelerate a little bit more (yes, PRIORITISE BETTER) next semester.

These thoughts hit me yet again when I attended a wedding reception last Sunday.

One that I attended after such a long time.

Not someone particular that I personally know though. The bride is the daughter of my mum's ex-colleague at work.

I still vividly remember my thoughts when I attended this kind of event years ago.

All I could think about was enjoying the food, admiring the good-looking adults, shaking hands with the groom and bride, and go home.

This time though, I had such different thoughts.

I bothered to dress up in order to blend well with the average of the guests there.

(And I was all right. There were still people dressing up worse than I was. Haha. Or so in my opinion.)

And when I reached there, I began to estimate the cost of everything as I admired the sumptuous banquets of food available, listened to the in-house acapella singers, and enjoyed the majestic view of the hotel ballroom.

Finally, as I saw the pair coming in and watched the video of them sealing their wedding vows in church (plus the bride breaking in tears), I really couldn't help but wonder how my wedding would be like. 

How am I going to pay for all these?

How old would I be by then?

Would I be ready by then?

Would I even be able to be worthy of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with?

How would I, and how could I find such a person?

Who would spend the rest of my pathetically uncertain life with me?

"Damn. Imagine our wedding next time." My brother's statement did not help at all.

Like it or not, I have to face these problems sooner or later.

Although the uncertainty of it all can be both good or bad. Haha.

Where was I again?

Oh the resolutions part. Hahaha. 

Man, I really lost track in my reflections.

So to welcome 2014, and to began my journey in these uncharted waters, I can only be thankful in my prayer, and hope faithfully that I may be able to:

*Procastinate less

*Be more optimistic

*Put my family first, as always

*Last but not least, take my life (just a little) more seriously. Heh.

That's it for 2013!!

And before I sign off,

HAPPY 2014 TO ALL!