"You don't change that because people don't change."

- Dr. House

House M.D. - Season 4 Episode 11

I have heard this famous quote by Dr. House time and again when I was still watching the series before it ended.
Recently, it made me wonder again, especially when I pondered about the results that got for one of those personality tests.

You know the test in which the results give you four letters that represent your personality somehow?

I'm gonna talk the first letter of the result, which can only either be "E" for Extroversion or "I" for Introversion.

5 years ago, I would be pretty confident calling myself an Extroverted guy.

And as always, for every random time I took the tests, I would always get an "E".

For now, though, it's a different story.

I started getting "I", and to add more to the confusion, the results would sway back and forth between the two letters.

So what does this mean? Have I changed? Or do I keep changing?

At first I thought yeah, you know maybe the mood in which I take the tests differ each time and so depending on the mood I was in, the results can vary.

Sometimes, though, I felt that maybe I started to develop my own introversion over the years as I grow up a little more.

I still remember the time back in 2009, that if I had to stay home all day in my room just with my computer on a Saturday, I would get rather bored and annoyed.

Now? I'll choose being cooped up in my room any day. In fact that was how I spent my Saturday earlier (and for the last few Saturdays when I had no group project meetings).

So does this show an introverted side that surfaced from within?

A few hours ago, after recalling the quote from Dr. House earlier, I came to another conclusion. 

That I probably didn't change. My own introverted side did not just came out of nowhere or develop over the years.

Looking back many years back, even when I was still studying in primary school, I made friends pretty easily. More than many of my peers, in fact.

I liked to be myself, BUT I believed that I had always looked up to those "cool kids" that were really the rule-breakers of the school and had such high popularity amongst everybody, including the teachers.

And I think I really wanted to be one of those, so I started to conform to the standards of such people, and let go of my own solitude.

Which is good in a way, because it made me learn a lot about you should handle some people.

Albeit not without emotional and physical pain here and there..

And so because of that, I think I kinda turned out an extroverted kid from then on.

As I grew out of my teenage years, however,

I do realise that being yourself, and knowing what you like and don't like, is the most important.

It doesn't matter what others think of you anymore. As long as what you do does not harm others in any way, I don't think people are gonna harm you back. Most of the time.

So for now, as much as I like being around great bunch of people,

I do need quite a substantial amount of time being on my own, recuperating.

Turns out, I have not changed my extroversion and introversion level. I have always been mostly introverted, though I can show the traits of an extrovert. 

It just reflects differently in each of the time I take that particular personality traits test.

I guess for now, my introvert side has had more or less sufficient recuperation.

I think I'm ready to face people tomorrow again.

I have to anyway.

Ciao!

Somehow, today was quite a reflective day.


Being a emotionally-sensitive person for the majority of my life, I have, as a matter of fact, rarely seen people whose sensitivity is way beyond what I have.
So today, it was quite a surprise when I noticed some could took what I believed was just a small, accidental gesture so seriously.

Do some people take it too personally?
Have I been so used to believe that people can be as comical as I am, in most situations?
Has it been such a bad day for many around me, even when for me, it hasn't been so?
Am I simply turning insensitive?



Anyway, let's discuss a hypothetical scenario.


You are on an adventure inside a jungle in your trio, when the three of you stumble upon a bear cub, without its mother.
Having fun, your friends fool around with the bear cub, poking it around with tree branches and throwing some small rocks at it. It's borderline harassment.
But maybe not, maybe your friends are simply trying to play around with the cub, just being themselves.
For a moment you think of joining them to play with the cub. But somehow you know something does not look right. Before you can react or stop them, though, the bear mother appears, obviously looking displeased.
Sensing from what probably sounds like a whimper from the cub, the mother's protective instinct switches on, growling and preparing to pounce on us.
Of course, without another word, the three of you run for your lives.
But you trip on a jutting root of a tree, causing you to fall face-first on the ground.
By just the few seconds that have passed, you recover, at the same time realising you are falling behind your other friends and the growl of the bear mother imminent.
You turn back, and see it just a few metres away, getting ready to unleash its rage on you.
You know there is no escaping it. So you close your eyes, and as you steel yourself to meet your doom, three thoughts flash inside your head. regarding who is at fault really.

1). You blame your friends, believing that because they were not sensitive enough to not provoke the bear cub (albeit unknowingly), you have to meet your end even though you know you do not deserve to take on what supposedly was their punishment.
2). You blame yourself because of your slow response time. If only your senses were fast enough, you probably could have told them to be more careful and this whole bloody (pun intended) incident would not have happened in the first place.
3). You blame the bear, for being such a close-minded being, for being such a cruel creature that just decides to vent its anger unknowingly on an innocent-bystander.

But then again,

1). Your companions are not really at fault, actually. They probably were just careless but they actually meant no harm to the bear cub, much less to you.
2). You are not really at fault either because, well, you probably just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
3). The bear mother is also not exactly in the wrong, because it was just naturally reacting to its maternal instinct, without holding it personally against you. It was just that it thought you were probably the one making it personal instead, and so it just reacted.



TL;DR, it was all probably just a case of misunderstanding.
But after the damage is done, can saying and clarifying things salvage anything good out of the situation?
Was there a need to defend yourself actually, if you actually could?
By doing that, could you have made sure that you are not actually retaliating and in the aftermath, causing even more collateral damage?



Maybe by saying nothing and just letting yourself get hit, it is actually for the better.
After all, one collateral is better than two. Or more.
Maybe letting your actions speak is a much better option.
As long as you are not simply doing nothing.
Because doing nothing has its consequences too.

02:36
Up, up, and away!